Life in Wonderland: On my mind

on my mind - acrylic on mat board

When you take a break from blogging it is really hard to get back in to it.  I spend a lot of time thinking about blogs I want to write.  Then something else comes up and I get distracted.

I wish I could stay focused!

life in Wonderland: just a random painting session.

Sorry I've been too wrapped up in life to write.  Actually, I've been reading the Artemis Fowl Series and painting.  I just haven't felt like expressing myself with words lately.

Community in Wonderland: Today is a great day

Today is a great day for those who believe in the Guamanian Dream,
those who dream of continued dependence on the military for our island's prosperity,
those who believe it is okay to sign away cultural resources with questions left unanswered,
those who feel it is easier to put our future in the hands of others rather than push for more accountability in those we vote for.

While I don't share that dream, today was still a great day for me.  Today I saw beauty in my mother attempting to cook a dish that her mother once made.  She told me that around lent her uncles would bring fish that they caught to my grandparents and in return my grandparents would give them vegetables from their garden.  My grandmother would make eskabeche with the fish and vegetables.  Today I went with my parents as they shopped for the ingredients for this dish.  I thought it was a little sad that we had to shop for fish and vegetables, but something made it a little brighter.  As she rang up the vegetables, the cashier recognized the ingredients and asked my mom if she was going to make eskabeche.  My mom explained that she was going to try to, but it was her first time. The woman told my mom to wait while she rang up another person after us, then she closed her lane and took my mom to the side and gave her some tips on how she makes her eskabeche.  How beautiful is that?  Thank you Betty at Hagatna Payless.

Shortly after reading the article about the programmatic agreement being signed I went off on an adventure with Nella.  We planned to walk from Gun Beach to Hilton.  I was very upset around the time Nella arrived, but once we got going I was mostly happy.  It's hard to be disappointed when you're surrounded by ocean and sky.  The walk was amazing.  I almost cried when we realized that the group of paddlers nearby were not counting in the Spanish borrowed numbers, but in the original CHamoru language. "Hacha, hugua, tulu, fatfat. . . "

My dreams do not include a firing range in close proximity to ancient burial grounds and other places of cultural significance.  They don't include the bartering of environmental integrity for the possibility of economic growth.  They don't include the expansion of dependence on the military for our survival.  My dreams are made of the things that made my day great and visions of sustainability and learning from our history.

Before I wrote this post I was mad again.  It was almost a rant.  But while writing this I realized that ranting will not do any good.  Just because I think someone else's dream is ridiculous doesn't mean I should stop focusing on my dream.  So for those of us who don't dream of living the Guamanian Dream, we just have to remember that this is not the end of our dreams.  It just may mean that we may have to dream bigger and harder.

Life in Wonderland: A new project!

Hafa Adai! I started a new project with Nella. One night we were hanging out and decided to make a list of things we wanted to do this year. The list started to grow and we decided on 25 items, but set a goal to complete at least 20 out of the 25 items together. Then we came up with the idea of blogging about it. We figure that if we publicly document our mission it will help keep us committed to the project.

So I'd like to invite you all to follow us on our journey. Please follow 2 girls, 1 bucket... list!


To give you and idea of what to expect, here is the second webisode we posted.  We completed an item on our list already!


2 Girls, 1 Bucket List - Ep. 2 from two girls on Vimeo.

Celebrate in Wonderland: Biba Egypt!

I cried this morning after I saw the headlines. So beautiful. So amazing. So much hope.

Community in Wonderland: We heart Carmen!

I went to a medical fundraiser this evening.  Carmen Costello is an amazing artist and beautiful human being.  Our island was very blessed to have her with us.  She'll be leaving us very soon to spread the love and get healthy.  We're sending soooo much love and appreciation her way.

Look at the amazing pieces I took home!!  The print is by Carmen and I decided to purchase it as a gift for Allan.  The 2 ceramic pieces are by another local artist, Monaeka Flores.  I have a large painting of her's hanging in my living room.  :)  The red necklace is by Carmen.  She makes such unique pieces!  My mom bought me this since it matched the dress I was wearing  The orange bead and seed necklace is by Mama Jill.  Mama Jill is a master carver and just a really beautiful person.  She does so much to encourage the preservation and appreciation of our culture.

I had a really awesome night, but I'm a little sad.  I wish Carmen could stay longer or I wish I had met her sooner.  She tells the funniest stories and has such amazing energy.  She has so much to share and teach and she's not stingy with her stories, talent, or heart.  We love her very much and wish her all the best!

Carmen, in red, signing prints.

some jewelry by Carmen & ceramic and clay pieces by Monaeka

Carmen's originals up for auction

donated raffle prizes

Life in Wonderland: Conversations with myself on colonialism and revolution

Watching the revolution in Egypt on You Tube and reading about it on the news and on Facebook posts has got me thinking even more about Guahan's past, present and future. I find myself crying while watching the demonstrators regain their dignity and realize their power as a united people. It's sad that what was a peaceful revolution has turned in to something more dangerous and almost medieval, but there is still beauty in it. They are doing what they can to maintain momentum while protecting each other, their homes, and their country. I wish them a safe a journey towards a destiny of their own molding.

I was thinking about how it got to that point for them. What made them so fed up that they decided it was time for change? If thirty years of not having a real vote is what it took, then Guahan is due for change too.

While we vote for our governor and legislature, we don't vote for our president and live by a constitution that was not written or amended with our needs in mind. We have little control, if any, over trade and immigration. These are things that hinder opportunities for us to contribute to the world. They hinder our ability to sustain ourselves with out dependency on U.S. aid. We are being controlled by that dependency.

At the same time too many of us underestimate our gifts. I'm talking about the people who say we have no resources and nothing to offer the world. We have this beautiful island, ocean, and people. Our people are resources. And we have many very talented people who just need support and encouragement to cultivate their abilities and talents. We produce more military service men and women per capita than any state. Why not cultivate doctors, artists, musicians, teachers, leaders, scientists, and farmers? Why is everything we consume imported? Music, food, literature, and language are all brought in from somewhere else. I'm not saying we should block out everything. I'm just saying we should appreciate what we have too and do our best to sustain those resources. We need to stop telling our children that they must leave in order to thrive.  We need to stop telling our children that if they stay they will only survive off the aid and hand me downs of more powerful nations.

I think colonialism plays a big part in our way of thinking. We've been led to believe that we were a people who were not strong enough to survive on our own and we continue to play that role they've casted us in. What I think we have to see is that no nation stands alone. They are all connected and an integral part of the stability of the world. As it is now, we have no say in our destiny and in our level of connection with other nations. But it is not beyond us to become the designers of our destiny. We just need to reconnect with our community and talk about what we want and need. We need to dream! We need to believe in ourselves and each other. We need to believe that our island and people are more than what they tell us we are.

Just like the people of Egypt, we can unite to realize our dreams for Guahan. Hopefully it won't take insufferable oppression and severe desperation to get us to that point. But either way, there will come a day when the sounds of our ocean are entwined with the raised voices of Guahan's revolution. I just hope that our revolution is brought on by education and a uniting of our community.

Life in Wonderland: Inspired

a visitor in Viva's jungle

This is my most recent painting.  I just finished it today!

I recently joined a group on Facebook.  Gorilla Arts Guahan has motivated me to get up and create.  I've been kind of stagnant lately, but seeing and hearing all the amazing talent on island has made me want be a better artist.

There is soooo much amazing talent on this island.  I've always recognized that I have some crazy talented friends and family, but now I'm looking farther than my own circle and I'm just blown away.

I suggest that we all remember to take some time to appreciate and enjoy our local artists.  I'm not just talking about Guahan.  Wherever you live look around, go to shows, poetry slams, or even take a walk around your neighborhood and check out the street art.

-damian leon guerrero

Gorilla Shrew - John LG

-TEK

viewed in wonderland: 2011, a year for revolutions?

I got a little inspired after watching this and decided to paint.  :)

Viewed in Wonderland: The beauty of adoption

I saw this video on rockstar diaries and had to share it.  Please take the time to watch it.


adopt rinah from VsTheBrain on Vimeo.

 My father was adopted and so was my uncle.  They were both born in Japan to parents who weren't ready for children.  Adoption is such a beautiful way to grow a family.  There are so many children growing up with out parents.  I think of all the love and support I receive from my family and I can't imagine being with out that.

I'm sending lots of prayers and love to this family.  Support adoption.

Life in Wonderland: 2010 - 2011

The New Year's celebrations are over and I'm finally finding some quiet time to sit and think about everything.  2010 was an eventful year.  While a spent a lot of time frustrated and angry last year, I also spent time learning, growing, and loving.  I learned to appreciate what I have  so much more.  I've made new friends, have spent time with old friends, and am still loving my besties as much as ever.  Allan and I have grown closer and have strengthened our relationship.  I've also spent more time with my mom in 2010.  I wish I spent more time with my brother and his beautiful family though.  I guess that's a goal for 2011.

This year will be a great one.  I'm sure of it.  I have a bunch of things I want to work on this year.  I have a few projects I want to work on that I'll be sharing as they materialize.  They aren't all that serious.  I want to actually learn how to play my bass, the one that is collecting dust.  I want to perfect my wonky latiya and learn a few more local dishes.  And the other projects I'll talk about later in the year.

The first 2 weeks of 2011 have gone by pretty fast.  Here's what I've been up to:

spent a lot of time with Al and his crazy friends

ate really awesome takoyaki - made with love by Al and Joel

went to an amazing poetry slam

had our first beach day of the year

<3 <3  -  <3 <3

allan and I got our hair cut - hello bangs!

Life in Wonderland: Heartbroken

I made the mistake of reading the local paper's online edition today.  I should have known better.  After reading the comments from the first article I clicked on, I found myself sad, frustrated, and disgusted.

War reparations removed: Senate takes out measure for war survivors

BY ERIN THOMPSON • PACIFIC DAILY NEWS • DECEMBER 23, 2010

Just 24 hours after being told she and other survivors of the Japanese occupation of Guam may finally receive war reparations, Rita Santos Cruz had to be informed that the war reparations provision had been rejected by U.S. senators.

To be honest with you, then if that is the case, then no buildup. Forget it," said the 73-year-old war survivor. "You know, the leaders of Guam better wake up, because we, the manamko', are not kidding them."

Language in the National Defense Authorization Act of 2011, passed by the House of Representatives last week, provided $100 million for Guam war reparations. The reparations plan provided $10,000 to $25,000 for victims of the occupation or the living relatives of those killed during the war, who could submit claims until 2016.

Guam Delegate Madeleine Bordallo had expressed optimism that the provision finally would be accepted when the Senate worked on a compromise defense authorization bill. But yesterday, Michigan Sen. Carl Levin announced that the language providing for the claims had been rejected by the Senate, according to Bordallo's office.

"I am extremely disappointed in the decision by Senate leaders to remove Guam War Claims from the compromise defense authorization bill," Bordallo said in a statement. "I will be meeting with House and Senate leaders tomorrow to discuss the way forward for this important legislation."

The Senate is currently considering an amended version of the defense authorization bill passed by the House of Representatives.

According to Bordallo's office, the Senate can pass the defense authorization bill only by unanimous consent. Because Senate leaders knew that several senators continued to object to the war claims language in the defense authorization bill, they made the decision to amend the bill and pass it without war claims.

As of yesterday afternoon, the bill had not been passed by unanimous consent in the Senate.

For advocates of war reparations on Guam, the decision is a blow to a decades-long fight to receive recognition and compensation for the suffering of those who survived the Japanese occupation.

"How many times do we have to go through this? How many more years? What is it going to take?" asked Sen. Frank Blas Jr. yesterday. "Are our people worth it?

The president of the Guam War Survivors Memorial Foundation, Blas has been pushing for the reparations through a traveling exhibit sharing the stories of survivors, as well as through a newly launched website,http://guamwarsurvivorstory.com.

"Obviously I'm disappointed," Blas said. "Greatly disappointed in the decision to remove what was supposed to be a compromise."

He said he was disappointed with the Democratic leadership in Washington, as well as with Bordallo's efforts.

He said even if Guam received funding from the federal government to support the buildup, it wouldn't compensate for the lack of funds for war survivors.

"In lieu of this, Guam is going to be receiving so many billions of dollars in construction money? Tell that to an 85-year-old war survivor who's not going to be around," said Blas.

Cruz, who was just 7 years old when the first bombs fell, said she watched Japanese soldiers brutally beat her pregnant mother during the occupation. Even though she was a little girl, the soldiers forced her to work.

She said that after years of pushing for reparations from the U.S. government, she was so frustrated she would even consider legal action to get reparations for the island's aging survivors.

"I'm getting pissed off already, because they are treating us like toys," she said.

Some of the comments:


chinpoko wrote:


Shouldn't we be getting war reparations from Japan? I mean they are the ones who committed the atrocities, not the U.S. Why does the U.S. have to pay for the crimes of the Japanese?

 I thought this way too, until one day I asked my dad this question.  He explained to me that our right to                     ask Japan for reparations was given away, not by us but by the U.S.  Japan was forgiven by the U.S. and we didn't have a say in it.


fiestaman wrote:

One would think that Guam would say to the USA:


THANK YOU FOR COMING TO OUR AID IN TIME OF NEED AND MAKING US A PART OF YOUR COUNTRY. (Thank you for ditching us and coming back after realizing you want need our land.  Thank you for bombing the crap out of our island without regard to the people who were loyal to your country even when they weren't citizens.  They didn't need homes after the war, since they had the U.S. flag to keep them warm and dry.)

THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING EVERY FAMILY ON GUAM EVERYTHING THEY NEEDED TO MAKE SOMETHING OF THEMSELVES.  (Thank you for taking our land and making us dependent on your "handouts."  Our island once provided every family on Guam everything they needed to make something of themselves and now every family relies on scraps from the U.S.)

THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING FOOD AND OTHER PROVISIONS WHEN THERE ARE NONE OTHERWISE. (see above comment)

THANK YOU FOR LIBERATING GUAM FROM JAPANESE OCCUPATION AND FROM THEIR TORTURE. (Thank you for reoccupying our island on a greater scale than before the Japanese occupation.  Thank you for being a gentler occupier.)

THANK YOU FOR FINANCING THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT OF GUAM SINCE THAT DAY. (really?)

THANK YOU FOR PROTECTING US FROM OTHER COUNTRIES THAT MIGHT WANT TO DO GUAM HARM. (Thank you for using our land to protect other countries.  Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to protect the rights and lives of real American citizens while Chamorro soldiers' families living on Guam are second class citizens made to feel like they owe their lives to the red, white, and blue.)

THANK YOU FOR PAYING MY PARENTS AND GRAND PARENTS SOCIAL SECURITY, RETIREMENT AND OTHER PAYMENTS THAT WOULDN'T COME FROM ANYWHERE ELSE. (hmmmm... don't we pay into that?!)

In other words, there is NO NEED for war reparations, because the USA has done this island RIGHT and CONTINUES TO DO SO. (Ignorance is bliss. If only were all so lucky, we'd all be fanatically patriotic.)


 TOMEGUNZ wrote


 I guess fiestaman is not from here! If that's what he thinks,then one would be "WRONG" ! The U.S. forgave Japan of their war crimes against the people of Guam & beause of that Japan is not liable for what they done to the people here during that time. We do Thank & Appreciate the U.S. for Coming to our aid, but they got what they came for & then some "PROPERTY"! The Chamorro people has lost in every way anyone can ever "LOSE"! I say,let them take back what they think their giving us,& give us back our "ISLAND"!

 albertfujmori2 wrote:


 guam generates its revenue from tourism.lease payments from the military is way to low.the kind of activites the united states conducts in this area,the local government should be collecting a couple billion annually for the privilge.(!!!) no sucessful organization would agree to the terms put forth by the united states.

Your being grossly underserved by the congressional representative and the rest of the local governments heiarchy.


the united states is in decline anyway,the asians will replace them as the dominate force in the world.perhaps its time to forming alliances with nations in the neighborhood like china,russia and the middle east. since albert enjoys the american holiday christmas,a gift for the PDN comment section. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-12059564

We deserve more from respect from the U.S. and from our own people. This Christmas I want Santa to bring us an island wide education campaign on our island's history and political status.  Then maybe next Christmas he can take that campaign to D.C.


To read the article and more of the comments go to:   http://www.guampdn.com/article/20101223/NEWS01/12230335/War-reparations-removed-Senate-takes-out-measure-for-war-survivors

Life in Wonderland: Support small businesses! #2