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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

1 a.m. in Wonderland: Uninvited

This morning I received an email about a meeting that will be taking place in D.C. discussing the dreaded Final E.I.S, regarding the military build up on Guam.  As I looked in to it more I realized that the initial media reports made it out to be a public meeting, that residents could join through a conference call at 1 a.m., but it now seems that it is only actually open to those invited .  They will be discussing why the location chosen as the preferred alternative for the firing range is so ideal.  The preferred location is our historical Pagat area which seems like the most unideal area for a firing range since it is an ancient village.  It's hard to imagine people, across so many miles, discussing how our ancestors' resting place is the perfect place for the military to use as a firing range.  It's hard not to close your eyes and see spirits waking to the deafening sounds of machine guns going off.  I wonder what our ancestors would say to the people at that gathering, if they were invited.

When we went to Pagat, on January 1 this year, I was hoping for something.  I was hoping for hope.  I wanted the experience to erase my fears and I wanted to walk out of that jungle knowing it was safe and would always be there for me, when I needed my spirits lifted.  As I stood at the edge of the cliffs with the beautiful ocean ocean in front of me and that comforting jungle behind me I was just mad that anyone could even consider taking  that moment and making it loud and ugly.  And I felt so incredibly sad knowing that if it happens it will be our fault.  So off we went to the meetings armed with signs and my shirt with a picture of Pagat printed on it.

Now I'm just wondering if all that time spent reading that insane document and trying to write intelligent comments, all that time feeling intimidated and disheartened at those meetings was where I should have focused my energy?  After all, it seems like it was all just a formality for them.  Sometimes I think I should have ran in to Pagat and just woke my ancestors myself, to warn them about what is to come and to apologize for all I can't do or say.  I want some miracle ending straight out of a blockbuster hit, where all the living things on the land and in the ocean join us in saying "NO!, this stops here."  It sounds silly, but so does the idea of a man walking on water.

some links I've gathered for your further reading

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